A Morning At The Bionics Garage

Greeting humans.  I'm now officially a cyborg, all plumbed with a Super Port and ready to go for chemo.  The port was put in yesterday morning with no complications.  All hail our robotic overlords!

The only reminder of the procedure is a very sore spot on my upper right chest and some lingering sleepiness from the happy juice, and an official identity card and owner's manual.  The card is something I'm supposed to show other doctors and medical personal to let them know that I have an implant and what it's used for.  The owners manual explains the basics of having a port and who how take care of it (summary: don't mess with it yourself,  and don't let anyone but doctors mess with it). 

I started off as usual in the little room where you change into the fashionable hospital gown and the IV catheter is inserted into your arm.  Things must have been moving fast because barely 10 minutes later, I was wheeled down to the "Interventional Radiology" waiting area.  This is the waiting area before the procedure.  It must have been a slow part of the day because Leslye and I had the attention of three nurses to answer our questions.  We even had a nurse scare up a drug company's promotional poster explaining how a port works and what's involved in implanting one.  My port was going to be a "Super Port" capable of handling high pressure injections.  I wasn't too sure about the need for having high pressure piping installed, but the nurse said that in come cases, a CT scan will require a large amount of dye in a short period of time which requires that the stuff be shot into your veins under pressure.  Standard ports aren't rated for this type of use.

We both waited awhile before Leslye had to run off to her chiropractor appointment, She was extremely ambivalent about doing so; she was concerned that I might feel uncared for if she left.  I figured I had a whole hospital full of staff to keep me in one piece, so I could spare Leslye for an hour or so while she got some relief for her back pain. 

After Leslye left, I dozed in and out until it was my turn.  I was rolled into the procedure room and was allowed to keep my glasses on.  Usually if I'm not already knocked out, the room is a blur.  I was struck by how "cluttered" the place looked.  In it,  there was an entire wall filled with glass-fronted cabinets containing supplies.  A huge imaging machine (x-ray machine?), was in the middle of the room and there was even a calendar hanging on the wall.  One of the nurses explained that this wasn't exactly an operating room.  The actual procedure isn't all that complicated and didn't exactly merit a full operating room, but because of the huge risk of infection (germs can use the port as a direct route to my bloodstream), the procedure takes place in a sterile environment.

I shifted from the gurney to the table underneath the imaging device and everyone got extremely busy.  I couldn't tell what exactly was going on and at one point, when the nurse put some kind of sedative into my IV, I stopped caring.  It wasn't enough to make me doze off, but it was very wooze inducing.  I stayed that way and even chatted with the nurses about kids these days! and about our fine governor's plans to gut our state's schools and services.  There were a couple of times when the doctor performing the procedure asked me about pain (none) and warned me to lie still while the x-ray machine took a picture of the placement of the port and catheter.  I even started to feel halfway alert at the end of the procedure - not enough to drive a car or post a blog entry, but I was no where near the inebriated state that usually goes with post surgery.

After I was wheeled back into the radiology  I was unhooked from all the IV bags and such and was given time for something to go wrong.  At each stage after surgery or major procedure, patients are watched carefully by the nurses for a time to ensure that nothing was unplugged or sewn shut that shouldn't have been.  During that time I joked with a nurse that pouring some coffee into the catheter in my arm would speed up the recovery period - and she got me a cup of coffee!  I have nothing but the highest praise for the the staff at Lakeland Regional Medical Center.  I'm sure they've got their professional credentials in order, but they also do a splendid job of making you feel as comfortable as possible during a trying time.

After the appropriate amount of time in the Interventional Radiology waiting area, I was carted back to the room with my clothes.  More waiting for something to go wrong, and the catheter was removed from my arm.  I was officially freed from the hospital!  On the way home I simply felt tired, not the usual groggy fading in and out of consciousness state I usually have after surgery.  I even felt well enough to help Leslye prepare lunch when we got home and resolved to stay awake that entire afternoon.  Later on though, I decided to take a nap (for about a half hour) and ended up sleeping the rest of the afternoon.  Oh well.

Update 2/27/11

Someone suggested that while I was there, I should have gotten a Chick Magnet installed.  Now why didn't I think of that?!